


The Dark Side Has Cookies and other delicious goodies

by Better_in_Black_1234



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: A sophisticated fic, AAAAAAALFREEEEEEEED, And no plot holes, Batman goes bad, But belivable crack, F/M, If your looking for, Is apparently whats going on here, Joker might show up, Kleptomania, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, SHIRTLESS JASON, This is crack, With a plot line, Woops, Your in the wrong place, additonal characters to maybe, and superman, but not really bad, how does one tag, i dont know where this is going, i had no idea, idk - Freeform, its been a year, just a fun bad, other rouges mentioned, sorry - Freeform, whats better than jason?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4246200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Better_in_Black_1234/pseuds/Better_in_Black_1234
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it began it really didn't seem that bad, it was just a few things here and there that went missing from crime scenes and such. He was doing it for the good of the people really, the things he took were weapons and other dangerous things. They would be to easily taken back by the owners if the police kept them in their evidence lockers and really where would they put a giant, remote controlled T-Rex anyway?</p>
<p>or that one story where Batman goes just a little bit bad and ends up liking it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The Begining There Was Darkness... and a jewellery store...

**Author's Note:**

> okay so I was hit by sudden inspiration at like midnight because I found this epic picture by DrawAARGHHH (I would like to put up a link buy I have no idea how... but here's by attempt anyway... [ OMG I GOT SHOWN HOW ](http://drawrghhh.tumblr.com/image/10913541037) ) and stayed up till about 2 in the morning texting my sister (who was in the next room) about what if Bats went a little of the rail and started to steal a few things here and there? like not for money or anything because, Hello Bruce Wayne but for the challenge and because he can. So I freaked out wondering if I should make this an alternate universe or not where Batman is actually a thief of sorts and Catwoman is actually the good guy, but then I figured what the hell and just started writing it.  
> so here we are. hope you guys like it! :D

Bruce wouldn't be able to say when exactly it started, that's not to say he couldn't remember the first time it happened.

Maybe it started at the museum after he caught Two Face in the middle of stealing a painting depicting a coin flipping through the air and he had the sudden thought that the painting would look _amazing_ in his study. Or even the time his misappropriated Jokers giant joker card. Or the T-Rex. Or Riddler's question-mark cane... okay so even he couldn't deny that the evidence was there. But he figured that was fine, they were weapons after all. They were too dangerous for the police to handle, was what he told himself at the time. But that was fine, as long as he didn't actually do anything with some of these sudden urges he would be fine, nothing would go wrong.

He bought the painting anyway, as Bruce Wayne of course. He even hung it in his study. Although he wouldn't admit to himself that he would have liked the challenge of _misappropriating_ it rather than buying it out right.

                          

*****

 

It definitely started the night he was patrolling the diamond district.

While swinging over the many jewellery stores he idly noticed that one particular store that used to be a regular hit for Catwoman had an upgrade in security recently. That had somehow lead to idly wondering how hard it would be to sneak in which of course led to him idly breaking-and-entering-and-somehow-accidentally-on-purpose-actully-stealing a rare red diamond necklace. It really wasn't his fault when he then broke into the museum.

Really it wasn't.

He was just checking security because if he could do it the so could anyone. Well maybe not anyone, because Joker didn’t have the patience or flexibility to make his way through 62 lasers, 14 meters of highly sensitive pressure pads and a bullet proof glass case. He probably wouldn't be able to see the slight raised edge on the pedestal that meant that the little red diamonds were sitting on a weighted alarm. He wouldn't have been able to time the security guards perfectly so that he wouldn't even be seen and so no one would even _know_ that the diamonds had been stolen till morning.

It really wasn't _his_ fault the museum's security was so shit.

 

*****

 

"Hey Bruce, have you seen this?" Dick yelled from where he was sitting at the Batcomputer.

"Seen what?" Bruce didn't even pause in his push-ups as he answered.

"I think Catwoman is back in Gotham"

Bruce paused for a second, his eyes darted up to glance at Dick's back but he quickly returned to doing his push-ups, "Oh?"

"Yeah, two places were hit last night. That jewellery store she used to hit back in her early days and the Museum of Gotham. A red diamond necklace was stolen from the first" Dick started to make his may down the stairs towards him holding open a folder, "and these" he said dropping a few pictures in front of Bruce where he could see them, "Were stolen from the museum" Dick watched Bruce for a few moments before he continued. "There are 15 of these little red diamonds they're 12 thousand years old. They were just recently found in an ancient temple in Africa, half beared in dirt. It took 3 years to find all of them as the papers say," he dropped one on Gotham's more popular daily papers in front of him as well, on the front it read '6 Million Dollar Diamonds Stolen!' Another paper fell this one reading 'Catwoman strikes again?’ "The necklace and the red diamonds are obviously linked, I think Catwoman stole both." Bruce rolled over and started to do his sit ups for the day. "Bruce? Did you listen to any of that? Catwoman is back in Gotham and she hit two places last night"

"I heard you Dick" he replied making sure not to give anything away "She’s probably already fenced them, we won't find them now."

"Aren't we going to go after her?" Dick was a little confused, Bruce would usually be all over this case, so why wasn't he? The older man sighed and got to his feet in one fluid motion "The trail is cold Dick, we won't find anything". He wondered off of the training mat and picked up his towel and water bottle. He wiped the sweat from his face then had a quick drink. He could feel Dick's stare at the back of his neck, so he looked over his shoulder and meet his eyes.

"It'll be fine Dick, she'll hit another place and we will be ready. Don't worry so much" With that he turned and headed up to the Manor. Dick watched as the other man left up the stairs and disappeared into the elevator after smiling down at him before the doors closed. What on earth had gotten into Bruce today? Telling him not to worry about a case, going up to the manor before looking at the headlines and smiling? Something was seriously wrong here.

Dick squinted at the elevator doors. He was going to need some help for this one.

 

*****

 

"Something’s wrong" was the first thing Dick heard when he walked into the dining room. Tim was staring into his coffee cup with deep contemplation while Jason stared at something between him and the wall with deep confusion. Damian was nowhere to be seen. "Something’s wrong" Tim repeated still staring into his coffee.

"What's wrong?" Dick asked as he took a seat opposite him.

"The coffee’s different"

"What?"

"The coffee tastes different" Dick frowned and glanced over at Jason who was still staring into the middle distance, he clearly wasn't going to be any help. "Anyway, enough about coffee, somethings wrong with Bruce-"

At Bruce's name Jason snapped back into himself, jumping so bad his knee hit the underside of the table and almost upset his own coffee in front of him. "Bruce made the coffee" he suddenly almost yelled.

"Bruce never makes coffee" Tim said finally looking up from the dark depths of his mug.

"This is what I'm trying to tell you!" Dick leaned forward the other two copied him almost instinctively, "Bruce is acting weird, he SMILED before 10 o'clock"

“Oh, God what do you think it is?” Tim straightened and ran a hand through his bed hair, “mind control?”

“No he’s to _Bruce-like_ ” Dick waved his hand to apparently show ‘Bruceness’ the other two nodded, “maybe it’s something to do with Poison Ivy?”

“Maybe he just got laid finally” Jason added, “surely that would put him I a good mood?”

As Jason finished his sentence Bruce came into the dining room carrying two cups of coffee, he place one in front of Dick then he took his seat at the head of the table, smiling the whole time.

The three boys watched the display. Bruce looked back at them, still slightly smiling.

“Alternate universe version of Batman?” Tim whispered to the other two.

Jason who was still staring at Bruce finally took his eyes away to look at the only other _normal_ people at the table, “He could be high?” Jason had also dropped to a whisper to reply.

“Bruce doesn’t get high! He’s Batman” Dick furiously whispered at them

Bruce watched his boys whisper back and forth over the rim of his mug as he took a drink of his coffee. What on earth had gotten into them?


	2. And Then There Was Light...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As in there is light shed on the situation... I thought that was funny...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay thanks guys for all the comments and kudos!!! :D it makes me really happy!!  
> and a helpful comment pointed out that what's going on here [ actually has a name ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kleptomania)...who knew? any way so I also put the rating up because swearing and stuff.
> 
> SO MANY THANKS TO MARQUIS DE TIHKU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I CAN LINK :D
> 
> I actually had this chapter finished about three days ago but the Wi-Fi decided to kill itself.

Chapter 2: And Then There Was LIght

 

_'Stealing, you'll go far in life. Actually, there is something funny about getting away with it'_

 

 

That night the bat signal went up. As usual Batman was there to answer it. What wasn’t usual was all his shadows. He could accept Nightwing or Red Robin tagging along with him and Robin for the night but when he had _all_ of the former Robins following him to the police department was something he couldn’t ignore if he tried. And try he did.

 "Batman, Robin" Commissioner Gordon, nodded at the two and was about to begin on the case when one of the others following Batman climbed out of the shadows, "Nightwing?" the commissioner glanced over to Batman, who actually shrugged in response.

Gordon frowned then looked back over at Nightwing who raised his eyebrows and shook his head slightly. "Anyway, I was directly asked to bring this one to you guys" Gordon held up a case file, "I'm sure you read the papers" he paused, "Do you read the papers?"

 Robin opened his mouth to no doubt give a scathing reply but the Commissioner quickly continued.

 "Never mind, it's about the robberies, the museum wants them back at any cost. That apparently includes wanting you on the case, 'at any cost' is what they kept saying to me"

 "Are they trying to _hire_ us!?" Robin finally spoke after the stunned silence.

 "I told you this would be an important case!" Nightwing swung around to face Batman.

 "No you didn't" Batman immediately replied, like a two year old. The commissioner ran a hand down his face, of all the days for Batman to finally loose it, it had to be now.

 "Hire _us_ " Robin seemed stuck on the idea that people actually wanted to pay them to do something, "I don’t know whether I should be insulted or not"

 "Yes, Robin the museum wants to hire all of you to find the diamonds. It can't be that hard to believe" the Commissioner informed him tiredly.

 "It was implied B, when I told you about the robberies it was _implied_ that the case would be important!" Nightwing threw his hands in the air and spun on his heel to face the city.

 "How was I supposed to know if you didn’t tell me?" Bruce replied, crossing his arms. And although his voice was it usual stoic growl and his face was devoid of all emotion except his neutral frown, Commish could have sworn to god he was _pouting_.

He decided to wait this one out and see how it'd go, so he set his feet and crossed his arms, the papers in his hand fluttering by his hip.

 "It was _implied_ Batman! Implied!" Nightwing said, a great flailing movement of his arms to ram the point home.

 "Next time be more forth coming with what you are trying to say, Nightwing" Batman growled in return.

The next voice spoke from the shadows and was obviously from a male, and Gordon turned his head in the general direction of it as he listened.

 "You're literally _the world's greatest fucking detective_ " Gordon raised his eyebrows at both the language and the amount of emphasis on nearly every word he said, "how could you get that it wasn't implied you idiot" Red Hood stepped out of the shadows as he spoke, long, lazy steps and thumbs hooked through his belt hoops.

Damian scoffed.

"Is the other one back there too?" he asked, and from above them on the next roof's ledge only a few meters higher, someone coughed.

 "Up here, actually" Red Robin said in a small voice.

Commissioner Gordon raised his eyebrows with all the company they had, and apparently, Batman was feeling somewhat similar.

 "What is this?" he growled, "The Spanish Inquisition?"

 He was met with silence.

"Now they shut up" he most definitely did not grumble and looked at Gordon, who took that as his cue to continue.

"I take it you were both listening in?" the silence confirmed it.

 

*****

 

It was only about an hour later when the whole group, including Commissioner Gordon, all stood in the cramped spaces between the glass cases of the jewellery store that had had its prized red diamond necklace stolen.

"Move over, Drake" Robin grumbled and elbowed Tim in the ribs.

 Tim retaliated by pushing Robin away by his face, "Why can't you move over Demon"

 "Hey, no names while on the field" Dick absently told them off from his position at the case that the necklace was stolen from.

 "My name isn't Demon, _Nightwing_ "

 "Isn't it?" Jason said from somewhere behind Batman, voice dripping sarcasm, "you could have fooled me"

 "That isn't exactly hard, idiot" Robin snapped back.

 "If you all don’t stop arguing, you'll all walk home" Batman told them sternly and returned to study the ceiling.

Gordon thought it best to pretend that he never heard that and began telling the Bats what he knew; "The break in was at approximately 10 past 12 last night. The museum was broken in no less than 20 minutes later, which means it took the offender about 5 or 6 minutes to break through the security here."

 "2 and a half actually" Batman corrected

 Gordon raised an eyebrow, "How'd you figure that out?"

"The break in was actually at 13 past 12. It would have had to take them a lot less time to break in if they were going to make it to the museum 20 minutes later."

 "I thought you didn’t read up on the case?" Tim questioned him

 "I didn’t"

 Nightwing shared a look with Red Hood, whatever was happening it was seriously weird.

 "Can you get anything else from the crime scene?" Gordon asked gesturing to the rest of the jewellery store.

"Nothing of importance, lets head over to the museum and see what we can find there" Batman turned and made his way out of the jewellery store, Robin, Nightwing and Red Hood immediately followed his example.

Red Robin stepped closer to the case quickly scanning it over with his eyes, he frowned and reached for the case.

 "Hey, Red, you coming?" He heard Nightwing yell from outside the store.

 Tim snatched his hand back "Uh, yeah. Yeah I'm coming" he gave the store one last glance the hurriedly made his way out.

 Then the five vigilantes disappeared into the night, heading for the museum.

 

*****

 

"I need to know what's going on with Batman" was the first thing Jim said when he got out of the squad car and saw the boys waiting but no Batman.

 "We don't know what's wrong!" Nightwing ran a hand through his windblown hair.

 "He woke up like that, we have no idea what changed last night" Red Robin informed him

 "Was anyone on patrol with him? Could something have happened while he was on the streets?"

 "No, he was on his own last night. I was with Nightwing on patrol" Robin spoke up from where he stood with his arms crossed.

 "I was breaking up a drug deal down at the docks" Red Hood supplied

 "I was patrolling the Upper East Side areas" Red Robin paced as he tried to work out the problem in their hands.

 "And we had Amusement isle and the Crime alley districts" Nightwing pointed over his shoulder at Robin.

 "Bats was patrolling the Old Gotham area wasn’t he?" Red Robin turned to the others running his hand through his hair quickly

 "He couldn’t have been, that's right next to the Diamond District" Robin snarled at Tim, "He would have been in sight of the jewellery store when the break in happened"

 "That’s impossible, He would have caught whoever broke in if he was there" Red Robin shoot back

 "Boys, calm down we'll get to the bottom of it" Gordon spoke raising his hand in a calming manner, "but he'll be here soon so let's drop this line of conversation for now"

All most as soon as he finished his sentence the Bat himself appeared, dropping from the sky like some angel, looking more like some demon than said angel.

 "Let’s go" he growled and with an ominous swish of his cape he led the way inside.

 

*****

 

“There was something weird about the jewellery store” Timothy murmured to Jason.

They were standing leaning against the wall, watching as Batman inspected the scene and Gordon explained to Nightwing what he knew already. Robin stood not too far away watching the proceedings with an emotionless face.

 “And why are you telling me this?” Jason replied without looking at him

 “I just need to talk through it and it would look weird if I was standing by myself to do it” Red Robin told him, rubbing the back of his neck.

 “Go ahead then” Jason waved his hand with a sigh.

 “Okay, so the break in at the jewellery store happened sometime between ten and fifteen minutes past twelve, correct?” Tim paused.

 Jason nodded slowly.

 “It would take about 45 minutes to get to here by car in the traffic was good, right?”

Again Jason nodded.

 “So the thief obviously went by roof top if they were going to arrive here in twenty minutes, but it only took us a bit more the ten minutes to get here and Gordon only fifteen”

 “He probably had the sirens on” Jason agreed

 “But it took Bruce almost _twenty minutes_ to get here” Red Robin glanced up lightly to look at Red Hood.

 “He doesn’t use always use the grappling hook, he glides as well” Jason looked down at him, it was impossible to read any of his facial expressions with the hood on, Tim made do with the tone of voice though, Jason was clearly trying to understand what Tim was getting at.

 “He’s the only person in Gotham with the ability to do that, the cape is unique” Tim stressed

 Jason turned his whole body towards his, arms crossed and feet braced, “What are you trying to tell here, Replacement?”

Tim flinched slightly at the name but didn’t back down, “I don’t like it any more that you do, Hood, but I had a closer look at the store and something was missing”

“Obviously, the necklace was stolen, numbskull”.

“No, I mean” he ran a hand though his hair again, “just think, if it was Catwoman that had stolen it there would be claw marks on the wall from where she climbed. She would have entered through the air vent, there would be marks from her undoing the screws. She would have cut a hole into the glass case, she wouldn’t have risked moving or opening the case. None of her usual hallmarks were there”

“There was nothing though” Jason mumbled

“The whole shop was clean. Like a ghost had come in and taken the necklace, no clear point of entry or exit”.

The boys looked towards Batman, there was only one person who could do that.

“I don’t like it any more than you do, but it makes sense doesn’t it?” Tim sounded almost desperate to be proven wrong.

“It does” Red hood looked toward Tim again in time to see his shoulders fall, “What do we do now?”

Tim ran a hand down his face, “We have to tell Nightwing and Robin”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TEN PIONTS TO WHOEVER GUESSES WHO SAID THE QUOTE CORRECTLY FIRST!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distractions are bad... unless their good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woops? I got kodos on this story the other day and freaked the fuck out. The I reread my fic and laughed at my own jokes (I know, I know, but in my defense I'm fucking hilarious) so then this happened Im not particularly happy with how this chapter turned out, but this fic is practically crack anyway and has next to no plot so I figured I'd get away with it. This was all done on my phone as well so forgive me for any mistakes?
> 
> Also to those of you who waited like a while coughyearcough for an update Im really sorry iIget distracted really easy. That and I read way to much fanfiction. Im not even kidding i think its safe to say that after I saw star wars: the force awakens I went crazy and read like 95% of all the Kylux fics in existence.  
> Sorry.

 

_Don't be afraid to steal, just steal the right stuff._

 

 

Tim and Jason were paired up for the nightly patrol, just hours after the revelation at the museum. It was the precise moment when Tim was about to fire his grapple to the other side of the road when Jason decided it was the perfect moment to drop a bomb on him.

Figuratively ofcouse.

"You have to tell Dick"

He missed the shot.

Tim felt like he would have liked to have had an actull bomb thrown at him.

For a few seconds they stood in silence, watching the grapple hook fly pass the building and land in an alleyway.

"He won't believe me if I tell him, he'll just think I'm angry at Bruce or something" Red hood continued.

"What makes you think he'll believe me?" Tim looked at the grappel gun. How the hell was he suppose to get it the cable back in?

"Because your the perfect middle child?" Jason waved his hand, "I don't know, all I know is he won't belive _me_. The rest is your problem" Jason turned ran towards the edge of the building, performing a flip of the edge.

Tim didn't hear him land. "Red?" He yelled, "How do I get the cable back?!"

The darkness didn't answer.

Grumbling he started to pull the grapple back on to the building, after retreaving a few meters of it, the grapple hook got caught. Tim yanked on the cabel hopeing to pull it loose, but his luck had ran out, it didn't budge.

Sighing Tim picked up what he did have and stepped of the building. He landed lightly on his feet, cape billowing behind him. Following the cable through the alley he found the grappel hook resting on the ground. It wasn't caught on anything.

Tim almost wanted to sigh again when he realized he had just walked into a trap, this night was going to hell.

Turning around he easly fell into a ready position, Red Robin took in the surrounding darkness. Nothing moved. The cabel, still lying on the ground between his legs began to move, Tim didn't bother with trying to grab it, instead he moved his gaze to were he had left the gun. In the darkness he could bearly make out the form crouching on the ground, pulling the wire towards themself.

"Jay?" Tim whispered.

The figure looked up, at the noise. It's eyes glowed an angry red for a few second.

Tim swallowed and slowly backed away, his hand, unseen reached for his compacted staff. When the figure stood, easly taller than Tim.

He guessed that they must be male, and they looked  _strong_ , but apart from that Tim couldn't see anything distinctive.

Even in the near complete darkness he saw the other mans muscels tense, that was the only warning he had before they lept at him.

Swearing Red Robin, pressed the button to release his staff, it grew in a second but it was already to late. The staff was batted out of his hand and he was being pressed to the cold, brick wall of the alley.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Tim waited for the pain of impact, But hand behind his head prevented any damage. Tim opened his eyes and saw his captor grinning down at him.

"Dammit Kon!" Tim struggled to get free of the kryptonians arms, "You scared the crap out of me!"

Conner laughed, "That wasn't what I was hoping for, but I couldn't help myself!" He grinned down at Red Robin, "Its not everyday you get to sneak up on a bat"

"I was distracted, thats the only reason you aren't on the ground"

"Mhmm, distracted" Superboy leaned in, lips bearly touching against the other boys. Tim leaned into the wall, letting Conner chase him in.

Acting quickly Tim grabbed the side of Conner's face and pushed him to the side, rounding him and then kicked him in the ribs. The clone landed in a heap on the ground.

"Yeah, distracted" Red Robin grinned, stepping over him to collect his staff.

Conner laughed and grabbed his ankle, giving a sharp pull that brought him down. Tim fell to his knees and rolled ending up on his back, in an instant Superboy was on him. With his hands pinned to the ground and lower body immovable, he couldnt move away when Conner kissed him.

Not that he'd want to anyway. They were grinning like idiots when they kissed.

 

* * *

 

 

On a roof not to far away a figure in black lept across the the roofs. Heading straight for the Museum of Fine Arts.

They had a new display of small golden Aztec statues that would go for a high price once fenced.

Making an easy leap from a roof and on the the wall of the museum, Catwoman laughed.

Her claws dug into the wall and she began to climb up towards a narrow air vent. Slipping in she crawled through till she found an exit. Selina noted the four guards passing under her before silently undoing the screws and droped to the floor.

She slipped through the displays till she found what she was looking for. 

There, on the pedistool was six small golden statues. They sat on a weighted platform and behind bullet proof glass.

That was the easy part though.

Before her was what seemes to be an empty room, but after switching the setting on her goggles the room lit up. There were red lazers absolutely everywhere. 

And they were moving aswell.

Taking a few minutes Selina watched and timed the lazers, planning out the path she would take.

She hadn't yet taken a step when she heared the soft landing of someone dropping into the room.

Catwoman quickly fled and hid behind one of the larger statues in the Aztec display.

The room was silent.

She watched as Batman stepped out into the light and scanned the room. His gaze landed on the statues. He reached up and unlatched his cape, it fell in a black pool at his feet. 

Then he began to move through the lazers. In moves that Selina had never seen anyone but her use he slipped through the lazers and stopped at the glass case.

 

 

* * *

 

The case and weighted platfrom was easy to get passed. Bruce marveld at how easy it was, as he practully walked back through all the lazers. With the statues safely in one of the compartments on his belt he moved back to where he had left his cape. Only to find that it wasn't there, turning he scanned the floor to see if he could find it.

He turned looking at the whole room.

When he turned back to face when he left the cape, Catwoman was standing in front of him smirking at him. Over her sholders was his cape.

"Whats wrong?" She twirled away when he reached for his cape, "Cat got your tongue?"

"That pun got old a long time ago" he growled in return, quickly following her.

She laughed in response, moving silently through the museum displays.

He lost sight of her when she jumped off a railing and into the dark, his cape hiding her from him.

"You know I saw what you did?" Her question rang through the room, "Very well done, by the way" 

Bruce clenched his jaw, and glared into the darkness, "What are you trying to do here, Selina? Blackmail me?" 

She laughed, "You know I would never, I'm congratulating you on a job well done"

Batman followed her voice to see her perched on the top of a large statue.

She waved and threw herself off the statue, free falling before her whip snapped out and helped her land. She carelessly saunted up to him and placed the cape back over his shoulders.

She leaned up and kissed his cheek, "Don't worry, your secrets safe" she whispered, efore once again disappearing into the dark.

Bruce took a second to slow his heartbeat. Before patting the pocket where the statues were.

The pocket was empty.

Bruce quickly escaped the museam and climbed up to the roof. 

He caught no sign of Catwoman but he heard her laughing. 

He couldn't help but grin back.

 


	4. Sweet, Sweet Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward family breakfast... yep...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wrote what ever came to mind and got this... its a little weird and probably has a lot of spelling a grammer mistakes, but it's, like, two in the morning (okay its 9:15pm), so, forgiven? Maybe?

_Steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you a king._

 

"This is the third time this theif has struck!" Dick threw the mornings paper on the table, it slid down to rest against Bruce's bowl.

Because they ate breakfast now.

Together.

At the tabel.

_Before going down to the cave._

"Dick, what have I told you about reading the paper at the tabel?" Bruce asked, not looking up from his cereal.

The eldest adopted son dropped into his chair, "but Damians on his phone!" 

Down the tabel the youngest took a second to glare over his phone at him.

"Damian isn't looking at the news" 

"But how do you  _know_ he isn't?"

"Because he's playing fruit ninja"

"Oh, God did someone say fruit ninja?" Tim groaned as he made his way into the room, "I thought we banned that game after Jason wanted to try it 'for reals'?"

"That game _is_ banned, Master Timothy" Alfred called from the kitchen. 

"No fruit ninja at the table please" The parental figure at the table added unhelpfuly.

The Wayne family butler walked into the dining room with a bowl of cereal in his hand and placed in delicately infront of the newest arrival. On his way past he plucked the phone out of Damian's hands and disappeared back into the kitchen.

Damian groaned and slumped in his chair.

A few seconds of silence passed before the youngest groaned again and shifted in his chair. He crossed his arms on the table and redting his head on them.

Silence reined untill Damian sighed.

The rest of the family continued to eat their breakfast.

Damian was was about to sigh again when Conner walked into the room and took a seat next to Tim, who looked scared shitless as soon as the kryptonian had walked in.

Dick silently thanked God, he was about to leap over the table and smother Damian in the tabel cloth if he hadn't stopped sighing.

"What the hell is the clone doing in my house!?" 

Dick silently cursed God and willed away the need to head desk the table.

"It's actully my house" Bruce told the youngest, "and don't swear at the table"

Conner seemed confused for a second, blinking like he was still half asleep.

Dick watched from his supreme vantage point (which was directly across from the table since Conner had taken Jason's usual seat) as his eyes suddenly grew wide and all the blood drained from his face.

"What _is_ the clone doing in my house though?"

Dick almost wanted to laugh at how Conner was resolutely not looking to his right where Bruce was sitting. Actully he was staring straight over Dick's head. Dick glanced as Tim, who was also looking quite scared and staring at the same point.

Was there something behind him?

Dick subtly leaned over and turned his whole body to peer around the high backed chair.

There was nothing? 

Dick faced the two across from him. He could understand why Conner looked so scared but not Tim. Why was Tim so nervouse all the sudden? It's not like he snuck the superboy in right? 

Dick squinted at his younger brother. Was that a hickey on his neck!?

Tim who had noticed Dick's not-so-subtle lean over, also noticed how he was glaring at a point on his neck.

Tim quickly slapped a hand over the hickey he knew he had.

The glare turned to the offending member at the table.

Conner gulped.

"Tim?" Bruce asked, all eyes immediately snapped to him, "anything you want to share with the family?"

All eyes were on Tim.

Tim gulped.

"Aah no?" 

Damian rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me you've been sleeping the the kryptonian?" Bruce leaned foward and planted his elbows on the table, looking concerned.

"Um, no I'm good thanks" Tim gave him a small realived smile.

"Thats fine" Bruce went back to eating his cereal.

Down the table Damian watched, flabbergasted.

"That's it?" Damian thew his hands in the air.

"Enough, Damian. Tim will tell us about his realationship with the clone when his ready" Bruce gave him a stern look.

Damian groaned and slouched in his chair even further.

"Don't slouch at the table please."

Damian sighed but straightened and began to finish his meal.

Silence reigned.

And continued to reign.

It reigned some more.

Then was broken by Alfred returning and placing matching bowls of cereal in front of Conner and Tim.

Alfred left with out saying a word.

At which point silence made another appearence and clawed it's was onto the throne so it could rule with a deadly yet silent hand.

Conner didn't reach for the spoon.

Dick glared so hard it looked like he was mildly constipated.

Damian somehow managed to eat his cereal while looking bored, angry and unemotional. It looked weirdly similar to the usuall look on his face.

Bruce began to hum.

At that moment Jason walked in and groaned, swearing so hard under his breth that Conner felt his ears going red.

"Hes still acting weird?" Jason asked as he made his way to his chair.

He reached for the back to pull it out before realizing that there was someone sitting in his usual seat.

Jason made eye contact with Conner.

The kryptonian gulped when the bat smirked.

"Finally admit to it did he?"

"No, he hasn't" Damian rolled his eye.

"I don't need to admit to anything because were not sleeping together" Tim glared at Damian.

Meanwhile Jason leaned on the chair leering down at the clone boy.

Conner toom that moment to relize that the older boy was shirtless and _ripped._ He then proceded to curse up a storm cursed at whatever diety decided that it was a good idea to give Tim stupidly attractive brothers.

While simultaneously thanking the shit out of that diety.

In his head of course.

He couldn't imagine what would happen if he said that outloud.

Jason's smirk grew bigger.

Belatedly Conner remembered that this was Batman's house and that this was one of his son's leering down at him.

And that said son of Batman probably saw him checking him out. 

_Shit._

 

* * *

  

Ten minutes after breakfast had (finally) ended, Conner was still in shock at how awkward it had all been.

With Jason giving him  _looks_ the whole time and Tim getting more and more tense next to him.

Not to mention Dick had been glaring a hole in his head the whole time.

He could practically feel Tim seething.

Especially when as they were leaving Jason leaned right into Conner's personal space with all his fine toned muscley glory and whispered ' _have fun'._

Tim had subtly lost his collective shit.

Without even saying anything Tim turned and left the room. Conner had rushed to catch up with him.

Now they had been walking around the manor for the last ten minutes.

They where in a part of the manor that he had never seen before with all the furniture covered in sheets when Tim finally whirled on Conner.

He didn't say anything just advanced towards him.

Conner slowly backed away.

He had never seen Tim like this, all the cool calmness he was use to seeing in his eyes was completely gone. Instead a steardy anger had filled them.

His steps were smooth and (Conner felt a shiver run down his spine) predatory. When he bumped into one of the covered lounges he started.

Tim moved foward until his entire body was only a hairs width away from Conners. His head tilted so his eye lashes brushed the Kryptonians cheek when he blinked.

His lips were parted and so close.

Conners eyes fluttered shut amd his knees nearly buckled when Tims fingers brushed down his shoulders. His palms rested over Conner's chest. Just as Conner made to kiss him, Tim pushed  _hard._

The surprise pushed Conner down into the seat behind him.

He looked up at Tim, the calculating fury in his eyes. The predatory stance. The blown pupils. His fisted hands.

Conner had never been so hard in his  _life._

When Tim sat in his lap and finaly kissed him only one though ran through his head before he seemed to lose all higher functions:

_Thank god for Jason._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah i dont even know what happened.  
> Theres absolutely no plot in this chapter what so ever.


End file.
